"Humor" writing

By day, Maria is a content lead for B2B tech. She's very familiar with writing for technical audiences. She's also  familiar with writing for herself. And so, by weekend (not by night! Maria clocks out by 6:30, 7 pm-ish) she writes "humor pieces." 

Most of the humor pieces she writes (99.98%) are juuuuust for her. But to Maria's astonishment and delight, some of her humor writing has  been published! Please see the list below. 

You do the math, and please solve for how many rejections that means Maria's received, traveling at a velocity of 55 mph in a golf cart, while consuming fuel (mainly bananas and peanut butter) at a rate of one gallon per 38 miles. (Thank you! Maria's lost count.)

Maria's a recipient of a Vermont Studio Center Writer-in-Residence award, and a St. Nell's Humor Writing Residency. She's a co-founder of the HBO Women in Comedy Festival. 

To the right is a photograph of Maria getting a pie thrown directly at her face, as happens in life.